Crapwest - oh yes, there is another way you know.

Welcome to crapwest.com. Browse this site and find some information. None of it claims to be accurate. Neither is it useful. Please enter your eight digit account number. Please enter your six digit branch sort code. Please enter your four digit security code. You now have four options. Push 1 to find out your account balance. Push 2 to blah blah blah.

Just because we now let you phone your branch, it doesn't mean we have to pick the bastard thing up.  This especially applies circa lunch time.  Go ahead...try it.  You won't get through.